Ever had the urge to hang yourself from a doorway and call it exercise? No? Well, the TRX GO Suspension Trainer is about to change your mind faster than you can say “what the hell am I doing?”

I stumbled upon this contraption during a late-night Amazon binge, fueled by an unhealthy mix of self-loathing and tequila. The promise of a “full-body workout” that I could stuff in my backpack was too tempting to resist. Little did I know, I was signing up for a love-hate relationship that would make my ex look like a walk in the park.

Here’s what happened.

Update:

BEST PRICE on the TRX GO Suspension Trainer System here:

https://amzn.to/4eUS4uP

First Impressions

When the TRX GO arrived, I eyed the innocuous grey straps with suspicion. It looked like something you’d use to tie down furniture on a pickup truck, not sculpt your abs. But as I unfurled the straps and anchored them to the bedroom door (much to my wife’s horror), I realized I was in for more than I bargained for.

My first attempt at a suspended push-up left me dangling like a fish on a hook, my core muscles screaming in languages I didn’t know they spoke. It was humbling, infuriating, and oddly exhilarating. I felt like I had stumbled into a secret cult of masochists who had been keeping this torture device all to themselves.

Key Features

Portability: This thing is lighter than my emotional baggage. At just 2 pounds, it’s perfect for those who want to inflict pain on themselves anywhere, anytime. I’ve since taken it to hotel rooms, and once, in a moment of pure madness, to a family picnic. Nothing says “I’m working on myself” like grunting through inverted rows while your aunt serves potato salad.

Versatility: With just two straps, you can apparently perform over 300 exercises. That’s more positions than the Kama Sutra, and arguably more satisfying (or at least that’s what I tell myself at 6 AM when I’m questioning my life choices).

App Integration: The TRX Training Club app is like having a sadistic personal trainer in your pocket. It offers hundreds of workouts, which is great for those days when you can’t decide how exactly you want to punish yourself.

Build Quality: This thing could probably support a small car. Rated for up to 700 pounds, it’s reassuring to know that when I inevitably face-plant, it won’t be because the equipment failed.

Adjustability: The straps adjust faster than my excuses for skipping a workout. Whether you’re built like a beanpole or a brick house, this thing will accommodate your frame and your shame equally.

Pros

Full-Body Engagement: Every exercise feels like you’re fighting gravity, and gravity is one tough son of a bitch. You’ll discover muscles you never knew existed, mainly because they’ll all be screaming at you the next day.
Space-Saving: No need for a home gym when you can turn any door into a torture chamber. Your significant other will be thrilled.
Progressive Overload: As you get stronger, you simply adjust your body position to increase difficulty. It’s like a never-ending game of “How Much Can You Hurt Tomorrow?”
Improved Core Strength: After a few weeks, your core will be tighter than your budget after buying this thing. Suddenly, carrying all the groceries in one trip becomes a reality, not just a dream.

Cons

Learning Curve: At first, you’ll look like a drunk spider trying to escape a bathtub. Coordination takes time, and dignity is optional.
Limited Heavy Lifting: If your goal is to look like The Rock, you might need to supplement with traditional weights. The TRX GO is more about functional strength and making you regret every life decision that led you to this point.

Final Thoughts

The TRX GO Suspension Trainer is perfect for masochists, minimalists, and anyone who’s ever wanted to feel like they’re training for a circus act. It’s ideal for travelers, home gym enthusiasts, and people who enjoy a side of self-reflection with their workouts (“Why am I doing this to myself?”).

Who should avoid it? Quitters, people with an aversion to sweat, and anyone who thinks “core workout” means getting up to change the Netflix episode manually.

Best Price On the TRX GO Suspension Trainer:

I’ve found you the current best deal on the TRX GO Suspension Trainer, so be sure to follow the link below so you don’t get gouged paying full retail: